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<title>Quiet is Better than Deafening by Bluepill_150</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973481">Quiet is Better than Deafening</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepill_150/pseuds/Bluepill_150'>Bluepill_150</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode: s02e01 In My Time of Dying, Episode: s05e12 Swap Meat, Gen, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepill_150/pseuds/Bluepill_150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>why does Sam hate Deans choice in music? </p>
<p>set after s05e18 point of no return</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Quiet is Better than Deafening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is just based on a random thought I had while watching the show. There have been multiple times when Sam has either asked Dean to turn the music down or has made it clear he does not like it. In all reality its probably just because he has bad taste in music but I like writing angst. So here is my probably overly angsty explanation for why Sam doesn't like the music Dean plays. </p>
<p>I am not trying to completely bash John Winchester in this story, this is just purely based on how I think Sam felt about John in the earlier seasons.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dude come on turn it down” </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean rolls his eyes, mumbles something about having shitty taste but inevitably gives in. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sam pays no attention to his brothers annoyance because if he did he might open his mouth and taint the air that had been so clear between them. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sam will never tell Dean the way his throat constricts at the sound of classic rock pouring through the speaker, will never mention how it lights his skin on fire or makes him ache in a way that can never be soothed. Sam can’t tell Dean that the music ignites something in him so dark that it gnaws away at whatever remains of his soul, how it reminds him of countless days when he wished for nothing more than for his father to slow down for one second, turn down the music, and look at his children, really look at them, maybe for the first time. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If his father would have looked maybe he would have seen how his crusade tore away at them, maybe he would have seen the way Sam was silently crying out for help. Maybe he would have realized that Mary was dead and nothing would change that but he could still save his son from the devil on his shoulder and the venom in his blood. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But instead he drove with two eyes on the road, loud music clouding his ears, and only one thing on his mind. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sam may have forgiven, may have looked past his anger the day he watched his lifeline burn up, or when he walked into the hallway to find his invincible father laying facedown. But he didn’t forget, could never forget the child that still lives in him. The child who felt so wrong in the world, so unholy and unclean. The child who only wanted his father to say for once everything will be okay. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean was there when he needed him, Dean worked hard to make sure his brother didn’t hurt. But even he was too young to know how Sam was hardwired to self destruct the moment he was born. Even if he failed, at least Dean tried. Which is why it hurt Sam when Dean insisted on modeling himself in their fathers image. He gets why he does it, but that only makes it hurt even more. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">By the time they reach their destination Sam has carved his soul out for the thousandth time and he will do it again the next time they enter the impala and Dean inevitably continues to pay tribute to the man who shaped them into a kind of human that can’t exist in the world without looking over their shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe one day he can sing along. But not when they are one bad choice away from the world imploding and not when the ghost of the devils fingers are wrapped around his throat. He’s been attached to puppet strings his whole life and the one person who could have cut them before they buried themselves so deep they connected to his nerves and tissues was too busy seeking revenge and making deathbed confessions. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“if you can’t save him, you might have to kill him”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">John burdened Dean with those poisonous words. Put a weight so heavy on his sons shoulders, he caved and instead of listening he ran. Denied for so long that his kid brother could ever be tarnished. Didn’t consider the possibility until it was too late and the oil slick poison had already made its way into his blood and the puppet strings were pulled so tight even the sharpest of knives couldn’t cut through them. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sometimes Sam wants to scream, yell until maybe the gates of heaven open up and allow his cries of agony to reach the man meant to hear them. How long did John know? How long was he aware of the clause written in Sams life story where he was meant to tear apart the world that he ached to be a part of? He knows no one could have predicted he was meant to be a tool for the devil, but John knew his son was destined for a fate horrifying enough to justify putting a bullet in his head. So why? Why didn’t his father just stop what he was doing and <em>save him</em>. Instead he drove, listened to music, dropped his boys off at a motel, and left with a simple, “watch out for Sammy, Dean”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe Dean would understand, maybe he would change the music to stop his little brother from hurting. But how could Sam ask him to do that when he sees the relaxed way in which his brother sings along, when he sees that the only time Dean looks truly happy is when he’s in the drivers seat. No he couldn’t do that to Dean, not when Deans been saving him since the day he was born, not when Dean has been pulling him out of hellfire his whole life. Not when his brother has finally forgiven him for giving in to the darkness in his heart, for allowing the puppet strings to be pulled. Not when Dean is the only thing stopping him from letting the devil win, the only thing stopping him from giving into the venom racing through his veins. So instead he plays the annoying little brother, lets his brother believe he just has bad taste in music, because he can’t ask for silence, but quiet is better than deafening. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! </p>
<p>Let me know if there are any mistakes :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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